Random, Reflection

Being Single in your 20’s

Over the past few years, I’ve come to realize that there are 4 types of people. The four types being:

  1. Married
  2. Single
  3. Engaged
  4. In between

[Note: These are my finding on the marital status of people who I’ve dealt with closely. I don’t mean to upset anyone or attack a status with what I state, nor do I mean to generalize.]

MARRIED people discuss mainly marital things with everyone, more so with other married individuals. I.e the best way to overcome and recovery from pregnancy. I find Married people wish the martial life upon the single population and they, at times have a weird way of showing it.

Incident #1

I went to visit an acquaintance who recently gave birth whom I love for the sake of Allah with our mutual friend who is also married. So, we stayed with her for almost two hours, and in those two hours, they mainly spoke about their married lives and the struggles, which I don’t mind as I learn new things from time to time. But occasionally, they would pity me and attempt to include me in the conversation, which made me feel horrible. Often would they feel the need to spit remarks like “You’re next.” or “I give you two years.” And I’m thinking: Why? Why would you give me two years? Who are you to give me two years?

Incident #2

Some married individuals go as far as denouncing a singles person’s life and suggest that they’re incomplete by proclaiming, they don’t know how to live because married life is the only form of life and it teaches you everything you need to learn and implement. They go as far as to say they got it more together because marriage teaches them XYZ. Do they not comprehend maybe we single people also have to prioritize our lives too. We single people have to pay bills too. We, single people, have to cook and clean too. We single people have to look after people too.  Just because we are not married and do not have a child to attend to, does in no way mean we are less than you. Need I remind you, you signed up for this. Hence. you have no right to claim that we are less than you and look down on us because of the life you chose.

As a SINGLE individual, I refuse to limit myself being ‘single.’ Single people at times scare me. They do odd stuff that they may not realize, but I do. Experiment!! Observe a single individual alone and then observe them in the company of the opposite gender. More than often, their persona changes whether it’s the way the carry themselves or their voice becomes a tad bit pitcher and other symptoms will be apparent. May Allah protect us.

Incident #3

Subhanallah, I remember the other day, I went to my sister’s workplace. Now, my sister is married, and her 3 other Muslim co-workers are not. So, last Friday evening, a group of guys came to play basketball at the gym in their workplace. By Allah, the guys were acting weird, one by one, they would pacing back and forth in front of the girls soaked in sweat. By Allah, it wasn’t only them, the girls were acting weird too, giggling, shouting and screaming remarks in hopes of being heard. Am I the only person seeing this? I couldn’t have been. May Allah help us all.

….

I love ENGAGED people, I find them to be pretty cool. I feel like their transition from the single life to the married life allows them not to be completely martial focused and not weirdly looking and acting. I love how they mind their own business and most importantly focus on themselves and their lives.

Lastly, by IN BETWEEN, I essentially mean, non-engaged people who act engaged. People like me who believe in Qadr and if Allah prescribed someone for me than 5alas, undoubtedly, I will find him. Obviously, I have to tie my camel. So, why should I act out of my norms and engage in a Fitna inspired life?

So, inshallah, if you’re married, Mashallah for you, may Allah ease your affairs but don’t make the next single person feel like they know nothing. And if you’re single, don’t take anything to heart, be patient and Allah will reward you for your patience.

If you found this article to be beneficial, let me know. If I stand corrected, feel free to share. Or feel free to share your own overall experience with someone with a different marital status than your own.

17 thoughts on “Being Single in your 20’s”

  1. Interesting post. It was nice reading about your perception and experience. I am married and I prefer talking sense with others despite their marital status. I prefer talking about work, business and what’s going around in the world rather than talking about family matters.

    1. Again my intent wasn’t to generalize. And I’m glad to hear that.
      I probably should have mentioned my post is limited to newly married individuals like 0-5yrs minimum.

  2. Very interesting post, I am also married and talking from a married point of view I dont like to make marriage the main focus when I speak to other sisters. It’s interesting to see the way it comes across to a non-married person.

    1. Smart move!! On behalf of all the single ladies, thanks you for doing that.
      Because even if you mean well, it might come off in another way.
      I think maybe this might be a common issue for newly married individuals who are still adapting to the transition, perhaps?

  3. I can relate to the “married people” part but in my case it’s dating people ! sometimes it feels like they’re doing it on purpose just to make you feel like you’re not a part of the group and it’s so annoying ! who says “can you write my name in your language ?” that made me laugh out loud !

  4. I hope I’ve never made a single sister feel so strange as you must feel, but it could be that someone in a fairly new stage of life feels like talking about themselves at that stage – not to pity or boast, but just because it is their current status. It could be anything not just marriage – new job, graduation, move to a new place, promotion, family circumstance etc,.

  5. I call myself a hopeless romantic but I find a lot of things straight nauseating like many of which you pointed out in this post with people oozing and bordering on haram… May you find the one one day insha’Allah. Marriage is not all bliss but we do it for His sake :)

  6. yeah, you are correct there are many such incidences in the life of a single as well as married women.Its all depends on the NATURE of the person. Usually if there are many singles they keep their company separate, the married one usually indulge in cooking which the smart singe can also take part.
    well, nice post from the singles perspective, I wish I can do from the married side.

  7. Uusally married life takes over a person’s life (after all ,they live 24/7 with another person) so I’d give them more benefit of doubt…but I do agree that people just need to stop pressuring single people. Their time will come to get married when Allah wills, and it doesn’t end there…next is when you’re having kids, then when will you have more than one child, then when your children will get married…etc. nosy people will stay nosy.

  8. Interesting article…. I guess life is really what you make it – single or married. I’ve never actually come across married women who focus their conversations predominantly on marriage – Alhumdulilah amongst my group of friends we talk about marriage, health, work and everything else!

  9. I am married. Not once have I told people they are next or how much time I give them. Not even when I was newly married. Nor do I constantly talk about being married as being married is enough without it being my main topic of conversation..there is more to life and I would rather talk about other things. Nor do I look down on singles….

    I feel sad that you have only come across this type of attitude to make you feel like this

  10. I agree with a lot of the things you have mentioned! specially the married type and the single type! even tho I am married my self I hope I don’t come across in that way around others. Let me share a small incident that happened a while back… My friend and I were leaving the masjid and there was another sister there with us at the door. I was recommending a facial to my friend then the other sister (that was happily married) said to her, “WHAT’S THE POINT OF GETTING A FACIAL YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A MAN” then laughed it off. we were in shock!!!! My friend replied “I AM GETTING IT FOR MY SELF NOT FOR A MAN!” and ofc I totally agree with her.

    so sometimes you see all sorts of people on this planet.

  11. High-five fellow in-betweener! Alhamdullilah, life is made so easy by just trusting in Allah’s decree. Why pressure ourselves over something that is already written anyway? May Allah protect us from indulging in fitnah. Wallahi I am ashamed to say I totally understand what you mean about singletons and the persona changes because THAT WAS ME! I actually did that. And then cringed and hated myself for a while. And then thanked Allah for waking me up to my weaknesses alhamdullilah. A’udthu billah.

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