Allah blessed me with Tawakkul.
I spent most of my teenage years fighting Qadr and Alhamdulillah I spend my early adult life, slowly understanding and growing content with the concept of Qadr. I think it all comes with experience, if it doesn’t break you. Allah has enabled me to understand the wisdom of Qadr. I can wholeheartedly say, what nearly broke me, shattered me and the experience that I almost took my life for was for the best not only because I am who I am today because I’ve learned and grown from it. I am living proof that Allah does not test anyone more then they can bear. I find so much comfort in those words alone. Wallahi I can’t imagine who I would be without my blessing ordeal. Alhamdulillah for everything
By the will of Allah, my Tawakkul was tested today. I am overwhelmed by a bittersweet feeling.
A few months ago, I slowly grew fond of a brother I worked with closely. I don’t normally condone the mixing of genders among Muslims, especially with the younger generation. Nevertheless, I thought we were both mature, despite him being a few months younger than me, according to my calculations, but my fondness oddly did not waiver. After consulting the best of all consultants, I did the most unzainably thing ever. I asked him a question; a marriage related question. Not a “will you marry question” because I’m not equipped for that but a ‘do you want to get to know each other for the purpose of marriage’ question.
Today, I was granted the most beautiful and wise response to my question. A mashallah no with due cause. I can imagine anyone in my shoes would not have been overwhelmed with sheer happiness as was I. Why? Because I know this person well enough to know that they calculated the rejection. In all my years, I’ve never uttered such a question, I’ve never really been with anyone, I never been rejected. But there is a first time for everything, Alhamdulillah.