Note: This was written on 14th of my birth month, 2017.
Allah blessed me with Tawakkul.
By Allah, I spent most of my teenage years fighting Qadr and Alhamdulillah I spend my early adult life, slowly understanding and growing content with the concept of Qadr. I think it all comes with experience if it doesn’t break you. Allah has enabled me to understand the wisdom of Qadr. I can wholeheartedly say, what nearly broke me, shattered me and the experience that inspired me to almost take my life for was for the best, not only because I am who I am today because I’ve learned and grown from it. I am living proof that Allah does not test anyone more then they can bear. I find so much comfort in those words alone. Imam Al-Shafi’i once said, “My heart is at ease knowing that what was meant for me will never miss me and that what misses me was never meant for me.” His words speak volumes to me and wallahi, I can’t imagine who I would be without my blessed ordeal. So, Alhamdulillah for everything.
By the will of Allah, my Tawakkul was tested today. I am overwhelmed by a bittersweet feeling.
A few months ago, I slowly grew fond of someone who may have been a few months younger than myself, according to my calculations, but my fondness oddly did not waiver. After consulting the best of all consultants, God, I did the most unzainably thing ever. I asked him a question; a marriage related question. Not a “will you marry question” because I’m not equipped for that but a ‘do you want to get to know each other for the purpose of marriage’ question.
Today, I was granted the most beautiful and wise response to my question. A mashallah no, with due cause. I can’t imagine anyone in my shoes would not have been overwhelmed with sheer happiness as was I. Why? Because I know this person well enough to know that they calculated the rejection. In all my years, I’ve never uttered such a question, I’ve never really been with anyone and I never been rejected. But there is a first time for everything, Alhamdulillah.