By the will of Allah, I am a very reflective person. I see the errors of my ways as time passes. I like to think someone or people upon witnessing my apparent flaw made duaa for me. Well, now that I think about it, perhaps Allah answered my and our duaa for me. And Allah knows, and I do not.
I will share the below experience not to expose myself but so that you, whoever you may be, are able to learn from my mistake.
Growing up, cultural pride annoyed me. I ignorantly denounced entire cultures. I even denounced my own culture. I couldn’t contemplate why individuals show more unity to their respective cultures as opposed to their religion. I mean who need tribalism when there are Muslims at every turn. Long story short, I uttered things I shouldn’t have. Moreover, often enough to be solely remembered by them. Unfortunately, I can’t take back the words I said. I can’t take back the words embedded in people’s minds’. But I can ask Allah for forgiveness.
So, the story goes, a couple of months ago, a friend approached me and suggested for me to get to know a brother, let’s call him broX, who is of my own culture and I instantly declined without a grain of consideration. A few weeks ago, a sister suggested a brother who is not of my culture and I did not instantly decline, but rather I considered it vigorously. Subhanallah!! My heart aches. And my double standards shocked my world in a way it hasn’t before. Who did I think I was? What right did I have to degrade a perfectly religious individual, who I personally vaguely know and respect? This has been burrowing into the depth of my subconscious for days and nights. All I want to do is apologize. I do not know if I regret my decision, but I definitely regret how I came to that decision.
Now, every single time, anyone quotes what I’ve said in the past in this manner, my heart aches. Every single time, I see or hear broX on campus, my heart is instantly flooded with regret. Inshallah, in the future I will be able to reject rejection.
Alhamdulillah, there is good in every test. This entire situation reminds me of my true worth. I am your equal. I am not above or below anyone as no one is above or below me. We are all mere servants of Allah. As a result, I ask Allah to: forgive us for our numerous faults, conceal our faults and to beautify/purify mine and your hearts and speech.
By the will of Allah, from this point forward, I will correct my ways. May Allah guide me to the straight path.