I’m not like most people. And Wallahi that’s a blessing of its own even if the masses don’t see it or agree to it. Allah Akbar.
By the will of Allah, I have no desire to go out to do petty things like new movie releases. I have no desire to go to weddings which I know will be mixed or celebrated in a non-halal manner. Don’t get me wrong, I know its not islamically the best to reject such an invitation but in my case, it kinda is. (It’s usually something petty like my younger sister’s friends’ Nikah or wedding whatever the difference is. And this type of individual would invite, in this case, my sister and they would extend her permission to invite whoever my sister wants and I gladly reject such an offering to stay at home as opposed to fit societal norms just because we are Muslims in the west and its only one night.) I have no desire to listen to music. I have no desire to do most of the things people my age do for the sake of having fun or staying young under a hypothetical halal umbrella.
As a result, often I am seen as arrogant. I’m not saying, I’m a saint for I am flawed and I like anyone have my share of fitnah. Not many people see this far. Subhanallah, just because everyone’s weak spot is not mine and Allah made it easy for me to avoid a few things doesn’t make me a saint. Disapproving doesn’t make me a saint. At some point in my life someone said, you are what people think of you. I’m sorry but i disagree. No one knows me. I mean, how can they, when I don’t even know myself. Subhanallah, but I am sinful. In fact, I think I’m the type of person who flaws are apparent in 5 minutes or less when in conversation. I am sinful to the extent, when I forbid evil, people automatically assume, well you’re not perfect yourself and they usually make apparent all my obvious sins in a list format and assume you think you’re a saint for giving such a suggestion. Yet, all I can say is: MAY ALLAH GUIDE ME.
Subhanallah. There is an issue that has bothered me for quite some time now. Here’s a hint: It’s the M word. If you thought marriage then I am pleased to pronounce you are indeed correct.
Firstly, I would like to start with, I don’t believe in ‘flirting’, however you may define it. I am no saint but we all know when a man and women are alone(over the phone included), the third person is the shaytan. So why search for the spouse Allah made halal for you through such a window even if your parents introduced you two. May Allah guide us.
Secondly, I realize this may not be practical and it may or may not work for me but I know its worked for others. What is there to talk about until the wee hour of the morning? I mean aren’t you both looking for your potential other half. Why waste hours and jeopardize times with such nuisance? I think our words define us. I don’t believe in sweet talk either. I haven’t been heart broken by so many guys or any for that matter to conclude this. But rather, I think this is another blessing Allah blessed me with. Our words define us alongside how we arrange them. I have no right to say this but I believe to the depth of my heart, that if an individual was presented to me that I would know whether we can make it work in the first few exchanges after examining the individual or perhaps his words alone. I probably sound crazy by now but I need you to know that I am not solely basing it on my impeccable first impression of the individual but rather how he carried himself and his dreams and aspirations. I don’t know how to explain it and Alhamdulillah my gut and extinct haven’t failed me yet. And I intend to invest in that which I am confident in. May Allah guide me and grant me a righteous spouse.
Thirdly, I don’t think the process is hard as people perceive. Well, it is to some extent, of course. But from my observation people have a tendency of making it so difficult. Like you don’t have to know the individual for several months if not years to actually know if your compatible or whatever they advertise in the western media. Let me share a short story. A brother met my good friend’s brother in Saudi Arabia as they went for Umrah with their mom. After a few exchanges with the help of my friend’s instructions, my good friend accepted this brother proposal through her brother. A few exchanges and she is happier than ever. I understand not everyone is the same but if a happily married couple made it work after a few exchanges through a third party, why don’t we ask ourselves why we lock ourselves in our rooms in the dark till the wee hours trying to figure this individual potential. May Allah guide us.
Fourthly, I strongly feel how we choose to start our marriage defines us. While I’m on the topic, I would like to state, my picture perfect wedding is probably in Ramadan. I would love to feed people for the sake of Allah in the house of Allah to aid them upon completion an act or worship such as fasting. I prefer that over having music at my wedding or feeding people who will probably feel the urge to make our special day about them. They may make fun out of us or our parents with regards to appearance or tribe and even the served food.
Starting a marriage by feeding a mosque and its goers, I think is an amazing beautiful start to a marriage. I mean what better way to start it then with an act of Sadaqa. While some people, halalize one night. So they tell themselves, Allah made Marriage halal for me and music is already in my life, so why not? Right? After all, 1+1=2? I can’t wrap my head around this logic. Why would you prefer to start a mercy/blessing with an act of disobedience? It’s even comparable to Riba. As we all know in Islam, there is no such thing as degree of haram because haram is haram. When someone takes Riba, what happens to their wealth? Think of money as water and Riba as oil. They will mix hence the Baraka(blessing) will be lost. Think of marriage in the same manner. Marriage is pure and halal is like water and a disobedient wedding as oil. I sense by now you know where I am going. These are just my some of my thoughts and I ask Allah to guide me. I ask Allah to grant us righteous spouse whom we may pave to Jannah with.