Reflection

A Blue Fajr

Date: The first day of Tahajuud 2014
Place: Al Rashid Mosque, Edmonton.
Note: The me of today has been undergoing construction ever since 2011. Subhanallah(Alhamdulillah, this is now part of my every day vocab), I don’t think one precise calamity befell me but rather, a sequence of events moulded me. Alhamdulillah, Allah chose to guide me. Subhanallah, Allah tests those whom he loves. And I am honoured; he chose to test me. &I pray, he continues to test me.
So, this post is a means for me to paint a 3-4 year old reflection. Subhanallah, when I decided to resume praying, Allah blessed me to pray all 5 prayers at one go. I went from 0 to all 5, all in one day. Despite this blessing, I can’t easily contemplate how some newly practicing Muslims have to ‘to get used’ to the routine, reverts not included. I guess, due to the Shaytan’s undeniable efforts, one’s heart needs consistent doses of reminders of Allah and the way of life, the Messenger and his Sunnah, for if their hearts are inclined to the 4, it softens significantly and only then is no act of Ibada, impossible. Nevertheless, may we all prevail with our personal Jihads.
When you are newly practicing, I fell one needs some sort of support, a backbone for motivational purposes, not a family figure constantly hovering over and judging you or telling you whatever you’re doing is ‘not on the Sunnah’ because of 1, 2,3. Luckily, Nouman Ali Khan, was that person for me. At the time, he was my latest discovery. Through his videos, I was motivated to excel Islamically correct. I recalled this one incident where he stated the following in one of his lectures, “Let me tell you something about Fajr in the Masjid. It has a spiritual impact that only people who go to it will experience. It can’t be explained in a lecture. When you go to prayer and you sit there in the Masjid quietly and you wait for the prayer to start, and you sit there and recite Quran and you ask Allah to forgive you in those morning hours and then you stand next to other believers and countless armies of angels, and you stand and pray to Allah in that early morning which only happen because you gave up your night life and you slept early, straight after Isha. Even if you do this once a week, the joy you will get out of it, as you are walking out of the Masjid, you will wish to yourself that you did that every morning. I swear to it. I guarantee it. You’re going to walk out of that Masjid thinking: Man I wish I could do this every Morning.”
I knew and understand that this lecture was generally directed towards the male population. Nevertheless, I longed to experience what he described. I confirmed with my dad and brother, who happened to be regulars at the morning congregation, not that I had any doubt in Nouman’s statement but rather their confirmation amplified my desire for such a feeling.

Despite praying at various mosques, for various occasions, worldwide, 5 days ago, I prayed Fajr for the first time since- ever. The whole experience was nothing short of mindboggling. There I sat, insanely smiling, recollecting my drastic transformation over the years and how this was one of the moments I silently longed for.

Alhamdulillah for everything.

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