Indeed, I am my greatest enemy; my nafs and I.
How did I get here I often ask myself, which acknowledged sin hardened my heart when my sole intention was to continue Ramadan outside of Ramadan. I thought I was buckled up for this Jihad. But instead I lost myself in this rocky journey.
Nothing I do seems to boost my imam. I may pray 5 times a day but I can’t feel my heart in it. I pray because I have to, rather than wrapping my heart around this blessing Allah clearly blessed me with.
What happened to the Zainab that was so willing to give up anything and everything for the sake of Allah? What happened to the Zainab that was beyond willing to perform any voluntary prayers upon discovering it? What happened to the Zainab that didn’t rush to dunya matters after prayers, to the Zainab that used to sit after Fajr till sunrise remembering Allah with Dikr just like Sheikh ul Islam Ibn Taymiyah (Rahimullah) did?
Yesterday, It hit me. I was reminded of the purpose of life. How can I get what I want if I am not my best possible self; if I don’t invest my undivided self in it? There is no half way street in Islam. Talk about an eye opener.
Many people probably come across such reminders but how many reflect? Alhamdulillah Allah chose me and blessed me to see the bigger picture. Subhanallah now I have to make many alterations with my life. Who I am and who I want to be must synchronize inshallah even for a second before I raise my expectations.
To the Mashallah being that reminded me of this reminder, MAY ALLAH GRANT YOU JANNAH!! May Allah keep you forever firm and steadfast on his Deen. May Allah reward you for my reflection.
رَبِّ هَبْ لِي حُكْمًا وَأَلْحِقْنِي بِالصَّالِحِينَ. وَاجْعَل لِّي لِسَانَ صِدْقٍ فِي الْآخِرِينَ
“[And he said], “My Lord, grant me authority and join me with the righteous. And grant me a reputation of honor among later generations.”